Magret

On April 20, at about 5:30 in the morning, my mother-in-law tried to cross some railway tracks. It was still dark and somewhat rainy. Her husband walked a few meters ahead of her and eventually noted out of the corners of his eyes some fast approaching lights. But it was too late for any reaction. Magret was run over by the fast-train. The fact that she never realized what was about to happen and that she must have been dead immediately is the sole consolation. 

Today, more than a week after, it is still unimaginable that this actually happened. Can this really be true? Yet, the coffin reminds that it is, unfortunately, not just a bad dream. 

I do miss her. Remember the fun and the small quibbles with a glimpse in the eye that we had. The discussions we had about existence or non-existence of a higher will or power. A power which, for the sake of discussion, we came to call “Das grosse Urmel”(*).

But what hurts even more is the pain of others. Above all the pain of my wife, Magrets daughter, the pain of my kids, Magrets grandchildren, the pain of my father-in-law, Magrets husband Michael. It was so incredibly hard to tell our daughters that their beloved grandmother will not come for the planned visit two weeks later. That she will never come for a visit again. She who always started to count days until her next trip to Sweden as soon as she left us. She who always played the role-games the kids liked so much. Camping on her bed, playing that they would go hunting for game and roast it over an imaginary fire. Or princess and king and queen of course. Or whatever else would please her grandchildren. 

It is a heavy loss and I remember with pain when Mira cried out that it can’t be true, that she needed her, and that she wanted her for so many more years and wanted to be much older when a thing like this had to happen …

But it happened otherwise and even though one longs for explanations one will never find one.

Der der dich gekannt

Der der dich gekannt,

der weiß was wir verloren.

Der der dich gekannt,

wird sich immer nach dir sehnen.

Der der dich gekannt,

wird nie wieder ganz sein.

Der der dich gekannt,

der weiß dass du uns nie verlässt,

du lebst in unseren Herzen weiter.(**)

Mira Margareta am 27.4.2013 für Margarete (1947-2013)

(*)

from the children’s play "Urmel aus dem Eis" by MaxKruse and the Augsburger Puppenkiste

(**)

Those who knew you

Those who knew you,

knows what we lost.

Those who knew you,

will always crave for you.

Those who knew you,

will never be whole again.
Those who knew you,

knows that you never leave us,
you live on in our hearts.